No fairytale Ending here....

Every girl dreams of the day that her beloved will ask her to marry him....Am I the only unfortunate one that wishes she could erase that day? Its been haunting me ever since it happened this past August. Everything was perfect from the words he said...to the surprise... to the ring. The only thing that wasnt right, was him. I cannot entrust my life in the hands of someone who did me dirty. You cannot lie to a girl, cheat on her, emotionally abuse her and then one day realize you were wrong for it and think you can just wipe your hands clean of your wrongdoings.

After going and screwing a bunch of sluts you decided you want a good girl again? If a girl did the same thing it wouldn't be treated the same simply because of this ludicrous double standard society has laid down for us, where men go through this "phase" and then "eventually mature" but if a girl does the same she is labeled as trash. I'm not advocating promiscuous behavior but I do think this double standard shouldnt exist.

Since the day I rejected his proposal he has made life so difficult to me. Sure we had good times, I cant deny that. If he never made me happy it wouldnt have lasted for 3 years but that doesnt mean I need to marry him.

I have had such a hard time dealing with everything that I feel I will lose myself in this. He doesnt deserve me and we both know that but I think its too hard for him to let go. Maybe he in fact has realized his mistake... and maybe all the things he said to me are true... but he can never take back what he did... and I can never forget it.

Im sick and tired of crying. Its hard for me to even begin to explain what Im feeling. Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.

I want to go back to the way I was.... happy and full of life, and I dont want anything to hold me back. I just want to move forward and be happy, be content.

I know it seems like I'm this strong person who can get though anything, but inside I'm fragile. I've had so many things thrown at me, and each one has made its crack this year. What I'm afraid of is shattering again.....